Just To Say Hi and Ember Honey Raven

 

Hello and Merry Meet Ya'll, yes I used to say ya'll and broke myself of that when I moved here to California, as no one here talks that way, I am from the Midwest, Missouri/Arkansas area, and I slipped back into the habit after listening to Ember HoneyRaven on Youtube, if you don't know who she is please look her up, she is a hoot and I just love her videos, she is a witch, and has done an amazing job of getting rid of a lot of weight, she has two channels, one is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_BDwE94TSQ Big Fat Life, and the other is Ember Honeyraven. When I first started watching her she had a ton of videos up but had to take them down due to personal reasons that are hers to talk about, not mine, I am hoping she will eventually post all of them back up, but I just love her down to earthness and her attitude, she speaks her mind and isn't worried about what anyone else thinks, she has great haul videos on things that she buys and things that she has tried.  I was watching her weight loss videos and I am like she is so spot on with what she says, I am like her I weigh about 350, I was at 385,  she was at 334, I have tired every diet out there, hasn't worked for me, there was one time I did loose 80 pounds but I ended up back sliding and just went back to my ways, I have since started the DASH Diet, but for me I just don't feel like it's for me, I know I need to watch my sodium, I know I need to cut the junk, which as I have, now my goal is to get rid of soda and to get up and move more, I was watching her food haul videos and jotted a bunch of what she buys down and am going to go shopping and get a lot of that, and it's about portion control and will power and just getting into that mind set of doing it, as she says you are your own worst enemy. 
My knees and back are starting to hurt again as I have slacked off on working out, I just don't have the motivation and I hate working out, I mean I am not going to the gym but I was doing DDP yoga and it does work, I just have to get into the mindset, ya'll all I have had today to eat was two hard boiled eggs and some low sodium turkey bacon at about 11am pst time, and it's now almost three, I really need to up my calories, to about 2000 a day, I think I'll post Ember and ask her what her calorie intake is or was day to day, I think mine will be about 2000, but I need to eat, I skip meals a lot, and I hold the weight on, I also don't move around much either, I can't as my knees hurt. So hearing her and when she said she had those same issues and seeing her success, I know I can do this as well, and I do agree with her, just because someone is big doesn't mean they aren't worth anything, or not beautiful, what a person looks like doesn't make them beautiful it's their attitude and how they treat others.  

Yule.

Hello my fellow witches and wiccans, Yule will be upon us once again. This will be my second Yule since becoming a Wiccan/Witch. 

For those that are new to the Path and Craft and seeking information about Yule, you've come to the right place.  From what I have learned is that Yule falls on December 21st and lasts for 12 days.  

This was a time to celebrate return of the Sun and the rebirth of the Oak King or the Sun King. Bonfires would be lit and trees were decorated and toasted with spiced cider. Children would go about house to house with  gifts of clove spiked apples and oranges which were laid in baskets of evergreen boughs and wheat stalks dusted with flour. The apples and oranges represented the sun.  The boughs were symbolic of immortality (evergreens were sacred to the Celts because they did not "die" thereby representing the eternal aspect of the Divine). The wheat stalks portrayed the harvest, and the flour was accomplishment of triumph, light, and life. Holly and ivy not only decorated the outside, but also the inside of homes, in hopes Nature Sprites would come and join the celebration. A sprig of Holly was kept near the door all year long as a constant invitation for good fortune to visit tthe residents. Mistletoe was also hung as decoration.  It represented the seed of the Divine, and at Midwinter, the Druids would travel deep into the forest to harvest it.

The ceremonial Yule log was the highlight of the Solstice festival. In accordance to tradition, the log must either have been harvested from the householder's land, or given as a gift... it must never have been bought. Once dragged into the house and placed in the fireplace it was decorated in seasonal greenery, doused with cider or ale, and dusted with flour before set ablaze by a piece of last years log, (held onto for just this purpose). The log would burn throughout the night, then smolder for 12 days after before being ceremonially put out. Ash is the traditional wood of the Yule log. It is the sacred world tree of the Teutons, known as Yggdrasil. An herb of the Sun, Ash brings light into the hearth at the Solstice.

A different type of Yule log, and perhaps one more suitable for modern practitioners would be the type that is used as a base to hold three candles. Find a smaller branch of oak or pine, and flatten one side so it sets upright. Drill three holes in the top side to hold red, green, and white (season), green, gold, and black (the Sun God), or white, red, and black (the Great Goddess). Continue to decorate with greenery, red and gold bows, rosebuds, cloves, and dust with flour.

Many customs created around Yule are identified with Christmas today.  If you decorate your home with a Yule tree, holly or candles, you are following some of these old traditions.   The Yule log, (usually made from a piece of wood saved from the previous year) is burned in the fire to symbolize the Newborn Sun/Son.

Deities of Yule:  All Newborn Gods, Sun Gods, Mother Goddesses, and Triple Goddesses. The best known would be the Dagda, and Brighid, the daughter of the Dagda. Brighid taught the smiths the arts of fire tending and the secrets of metal work. Brighid's flame, like the flame of the new light, pierces the darkness of the spirit and mind, while the Dagda's cauldron assures that Nature will always provide for all the children. Symbolism of Yule:
Rebirth of the Sun, The longest night of the year, The Winter Solstice, Introspect, Planning for the Future. Symbols of Yule:
Yule log, or small Yule log with 3 candles, evergreen boughs or wreaths, holly, mistletoe hung in doorways, gold pillar candles, baskets of clove studded fruit, a simmering pot of wassail, poinsettias, christmas cactus. Herbs of Yule:
Bayberry, blessed thistle, evergreen, frankincense holly, laurel, mistletoe, oak, pine, sage, yellow cedar. Foods of Yule:
Cookies and caraway cakes soaked in cider, fruits, nuts, pork dishes, turkey, eggnog, ginger tea, spiced cider, wassail, or lamb's wool (ale, sugar, nutmeg, roasted apples). Incense of Yule:
Pine, cedar, bayberry, cinnamon. Colors of Yule:
Red, green, gold, white, silver, yellow, orange. Stones of Yule:
Rubies, bloodstones, garnets, emeralds, diamonds. Activities of Yule:
Caroling, wassailing the trees, burning the Yule log, decorating the Yule tree, exchanging of presents, kissing under the mistletoe, honoring Kriss Kringle the Germanic Pagan God of Yule Spellworkings of Yule:
Peace, harmony, love, and increased happiness. Deities of Yule:
Goddesses-Brighid, Isis, Demeter, Gaea, Diana, The Great Mother. Gods-Apollo, Ra, Odin, Lugh, The Oak King, The Horned One, The Green Man, The Divine Child, Mabon.

As a new wiccan/witch myself I did find this article by Selena Fox Helpful on ways to celebrate Yule

13 Ways to Celebrate Yuletide

by Selena Fox

1. Create a Pagan Winter Solstice framework for the entire holidays season - understand that Christmas Eve and Christmas, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day have their origins in Winter Solstice celebrations of a variety of Pagan cultures through the ages.
2. Decorate your home with sacred plants connected with Winter Solstice: evergreen wreaths & boughs, mistletoe, holly, and ivy. Learn about the Pagan symbolism of each.
3. Harvest a Yule tree in a sacred way from a tree farm that practices sustainable agriculture, if you can, or intuitively select a tree, cut or symbolic, from a shop in your area. Set up the Yule tree in your home and decorate it with lights, sun symbols, and other images. Reflect on blessings of joy, renewal, and well-wishes as you decorate the tree.
4. Kindle lights to represent the Sun. Decorate with electric lights and candles. On one of the nights of Solstice, turn off all lights, experience the longest night, reflect on renewal and peace, and turn the lights back on to symbolize the birth of the New Solar Year.
5. Recognize Santa as a multi-cultural, multi-religious character - learn about the Pagan roots of Santa and other Winter Solstice sacred gift bringers, including the Goddess Holda (see my article: When Santa was a Woman on beliefnet for more info).
6. Learn about holidays foods, symbols, customs, and/or lore from an ancestral ethnicity and incorporate something you have learned into your celebration of Yuletide.
7. Listen to Pagan Yuletide music. Create a Yuletide chant, poem, or song.
8. Burn a Yule Log in a hearth, in a bonfire, or by burning candles on, in, or near a log of Oak on an altar. Learn about Yule Log traditions and create your own.
9. Meditate on the rising and/or setting of the Solstice Sun. Note its position on the horizon at this time of year and observe its change in position on the horizon as the days start lengthening again.
10. Join with others in celebrating Pagan Yuletide. Attend a ritual, be part of a festival, join an on-line discussion, host a party, listen to a Yuletide show on internet radio (I will be doing 3 podcasts this Yule!)
11. Contribute to a charity of your choice. Spread the joy of Yuletide.
12. Learn about sacred sites aligned with the Winter Solstice. Envision your own celebrations of Winter Solstice being part of a vast network of Solstice celebrations happening around the planet (Winter in the Northern hemisphere & Summer in the South). Watch live video of Winter Solstice at New Grange or other sacred site with coverage.
13. Focus on world peace and planetary well-being in your rituals, meditations, prayers, and other workings. Peace-making was part of Winter Solstice among many peoples in the past. Keep this tradition alive in the present and future.

 https://www.circlesanctuary.org/index.php/celebrating-the-seasons/13-ways-to-celebrate-yuletide

Here is a handy website for which food you can make and serve during the Yuletide season  http://recipesforapagansoul.weebly.com/yule-dec-21-23.html.
I hope this information helps you and that you have a blessed Yule, please drop me a comment on what you and yours do for the Yule season. As always blessed be and merry meet and merry part. 

Getting Back To Basics

Merry Meet All,
Do you remember the first time your God and Goddess called out to you, or when you chose the path you are on? I have always been interested in the wiccan way since I was about 12, never really practiced it until a couple of years ago.  I was raised in a household that are Southern Baptist and everything else was satanic, it wasn't the extreme where I couldn't go trick or treating or anything like that, but any other religion was not good.  I never felt happy going to church, never felt like I was at home and that something was missing. Six years ago I moved here to San Diego to be with my fiancee, who is now my husband, and I was talking to him one day telling him that I wasn't sure where I fit in, I was raised Southern Baptist, and told him how it made me feel, I looked into being a Catholic, he suggested, from hearing me discuss how I felt, that I look into Wicca, or Paganism, I blinked and told him I have been interested in it since I was 12 and I think I will, I didn't know where to start, I was so lost, I started looking up things on the net, found books. Reading up on the different Gods and Goddesses, slowly started gathering things for my altar. I admit I am still learning and haven't really done much with the holidays, I need to start planning ahead and slowly gathering things that I need to decorate my altar and planning ahead the foods and rituals for the up coming holidays.  It wasn't until about a year ago that my God and Goddesses found me, Danu and The Morrigan, and The Horned God. I hear a calling in my soul to get back to the basics and started reading the "starter" books and digging out my year and a day book and starting it again. I am feeling the yearning to learn and the yearning to be witchy, I feel like I am a wiccan and witch. 

The Rede of the Wiccae

(The Counsel Of The Wise Ones)

Bide the Wiccan Law ye must,In Perfect Love and Perfect Trust;


Live ye must and let to live,
Fairly take and fairly give.
True in love, ever be,
Lest thy love be false to thee.


With a fool no season spend,
Nor be counted as his friend.
Soft of eye and light of touch,
Speak ye little, listen much.


Ever mind the rule of three,
What ye send out comes back to thee.
This lesson well, thou must learn
Ye only get what ye do earn.


Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill -
An it harm none, do as ye will.


Deosil go by waxing Moon,
Sing and dance the invoking Rune;
Widdershins go by waning Moon,
Chant ye then a freeing tune;


When the Lady's Moon is new,
Kiss thy hand to Her times two;
When the Bow rides in the eve
Turn to what you would achieve;
When the Moon rides at her peak,
Then thy heart's desire seek;
When the Sickle shows Her face
Release the old with proper grace.


Greet the Days and greet the Nights
With joy and thanks for all delights.
Sing the seasons all around
Til wondrous awe and love abound


Heed the North wind's mighty gale,
Lock the door & trim the sail;
When the wind comes from the South,
Love will kiss thee on the mouth;


When the wind blows from the West,
Hearts will find their peace and rest;
When the wind blows from the East,
Expect the new and set the feast.


Nine woods in the Cauldron go,
Burn them quick and burn them slow;
Grape and fir and apple tree,
And Hawthorn are sacred to Thee,
Willow, hazel, rowan, birch,
And oak will guide your every search;
Elder be the Lady's tree -
Burn it not or cursed ye'll be.


Birchwood in the fire goes
To tell us true what Goddess knows.
Oak trees tower great with might,
Burn the Oak for God's insight.
Rowan is a tree of power
Causing life and magick to flower.
Willows at the waters stand
To help us to the Summerland.
Hawthorn burn to purify
And draw the faerie to your eye.
Hazel tree, the wisdom sage,
Lends strength that comes with honoured age.
White the flowers of Apple tree,
The holy gift of fecundity.
Grape grows upon the fruitful vine,
Sacred gifts of joy and wine.
Fir's ever greenness declares life
Succeeds beyond any strife.



Heed ye flower, bush, and tree,
And by the Lady Blessed be.
Where the rippling waters flow
Cast a stone and truth ye'll know;


Four times the Major Sabbats mark
In the light and in the dark:


As the old year starts to wane
The new begins with dark Samhain.
When flowers blossom through the snow
Fair Brighid casts her seed to sow.
When winter yields to warmth's return
Let the Beltane fires burn.
As summer turns to Lammas night
First fruits and Grain Gods reach their height.


Four times the Minor Sabbats fall
Use the Sun to mark them all:


At Yuletide, with feast and mirth
We celebrate the God Child's birth.
Spring Equinox, Eostara's fest,
All newborn creatures will be blessed.
When the Sun has reached its height
Celebrate the greatest Light.
Offer thanks at second reaping;
Mabon poised for winter's sleeping.


Cast the circle thrice about,
To keep unwelcome spirits out.
To bind the spell well every time,
Let the spell be spake in rhyme.


Follow this with mind & art,
Bright the cheeks and warm the heart,
And merry meet & merry part
And merry meet again!

 

Blood Pressure, DDP Yoga, and Me.

Hello and Merry Meet, 
 I want to talk about something serious, blood pressure, I have never thought about mine, it has been in the 150/92-86 range for as long as I can remember, never thought about it since I was feeling fine.  I went my psych appointment, my blood pressure was taken it was down 147/92, I was like sweet it's down, he informed me that if it keeps up and doesn't come down, I should go see a doctor and talk about getting on meds, Meds! nope no way no how, so now I am doing research, bought some hibiscus tea, reading up on dash plans and how to lower sodium, I have lost weight, went from 385 to 350, I started back up doing DDP Yoga again as of today, I broke down crying and said I am done with this, now it's time to get serious and start eating healthy, I know healthy foods don't taste as good as the junk food, fast food etc, I have cut sodium a lot but not enough, I still reach for the soda, coke zero sugar, which as it has caffeine. I still reach for the Doritos, and ice cream and reese's cups, but now it's time to stop, hubby brought home Harvest snap crisps, they are sugar snap peas fried or baked, very low fat and sodium and sugar, I was skeptical at first and then tried them and I love them. I think instead of counting calories I am going to worry about sodium and fat intake.

I today so far have had two hard boiled eggs, no salt no butter,(used to add salt and butter to them), one cup of greek yogurt, with fresh strawberries that my mother in law prepared for me and sent home with my darling hubby, she put some sugar in them but ah well, so I added that to the yogurt and ate that and I am stuffed, my goal is to eat more fruit and veggies, I hardly eat any, wasn't really raised by parents who were big veggie eaters either, it was either potatoes, green beans, corn, with red meat, mac and cheese and fries, and bread, a lot of processed foods, with salt, and butter and drinking three to four cans of soda a day, now I have one 20 ounce bottle a day, yesterday I didn't have one and my goal today is to not have one as well, my goal is to also drink two and a half liters of water a day. I need to do this, for my blood pressure, and for me. 

Breakfast:
Two Hard Boiled Eggs, no salt no butter = 124 mg of sodium and 3.2 grams of sat fat. 
Kirkland Organic Green Yogurt 50mg sodium. 
Water.

Exercise: 16 mins of DDP Yoga Chair Warrior, (starting over). 

Weighted Blanket/Friendship?/And Update.

Hey all Merry Meet, I know it has been awhile since I have written anything, I have been in a funk.  Dealing with my mental issues, started seeing my new therapist, So far she is great.  I also found something that helps with my anxiety and panic attacks, calms me down very quickly, it's a weighted blanket.  When I start feeling anxious and panicky I grab that and wrap it around me in less than fifteen mins I am calm and able to function again, I recommend getting one, they work for kids with ADD, ADHD, Alzheimer's Patients, people with panic attacks.  

Right now the weather is hot, I am looking forward to fall.  I love Halloween and fall, I miss being in the Midwest during fall, the smell of the leaves as they lay on the ground, damp and dying, the chill in the air, the smell of the cold in the air, the smell of smoke as someone is burning leaves.  

I also broke down and bought a bullet journal and a book on how to bullet journal, never done it before so am eager to try it to get myself organized, I don't know if I'll be ordering the Leonie Dawson workbook this year, she has stopped doing her facebook page and has started doing essential oils and trying to do a pyramid scheme, she is only focused on her academy which now costs 997.00 to join and that is where her real focus is, Normally she does a preorder for her books, but now she isn't doing that this year, I was told either end of October or November is when we can order the books. So I am torn I loved the work book I got for this year, and was thinking of if I don't order the coming years I could jot what I want from it into my bullet journal, we'll see. What are some daily planners, journals and such that you use?

Also, I am not sure anymore about friendships, seems a certain friend and I have lost base/touch once again,  We haven't talked in awhile, nor have we done anything together, I am starting to feel that now that she is doing other things and more in touch with another friend that I am on the back burner again, I even suggested we go see the new Annabelle movie together, no response whatsoever. She has stated she wants to start back up our facebook page on the paranormal, haven't seen any posts from her on our page at all, She keeps saying she wants us to keep in touch and to remain friends, but I don't see it.  I have texted her and even messaged her on facebook, she'll talk to me for a bit then I won't hear anything from her at all.  I still haven't met her boyfriend, nor have I really got to meet her best friend of 20 some years.  She was supposed to have come to my house at one time, but canceled on me. I know I know you're probably saying why do you deal with it?  I am not sure why...
Anyway, just wanted to give you an update. I promise I will get around to doing witchy things, on here, Any suggestions on what you would like for me to post, talk about etc drop me a comment. 

Panic Attacks, Depression, Anxiety.

Hello and Merry Meet, 
I am sorry I didn't get around to doing a post about Beltane, I will make that up in the next post. I am going to start posting more witchy/Wiccan things on my blog.  I had a head cold and then got hit with two major panic attacks last week and then one on Sunday and then one last night.  I would not wish this on my worst enemy, if I had any.   I know in a few blogs I talked about depression and anxiety and panic attacks.  People have asked me to describe it and it is hard too do so as everyone is different. Mine starts with a feeling of worry that builds up and then my stomach starts to jump as if someone is shocking me with a cattle prod and then I can feel my body start to shake, my hands shake, I feel like I can't catch my breath, my heart starts pounding, my body starts tensing up and my muscles clench, I start to go into a flight mode where I feel like I need to run and get somewhere safe.  I start to cry, my body is tense but shaking, I start to pace.  I start to babble "Help, Help, Help" It lasts for maybe an hour or so and then when I start to come down, I am tried, I am crying, my muscles hurt, my jaw hurts, I am so exhausted I just want to sleep and cuddle up next to my husband.  When I have depression, I don't want to eat, I don't want to shower, I don't want to do anything but stay in bed, It feels like I am worthless, I feel like nothing is ever going to get better, I can't function I can't think clearly. 

I also have OCD, Bi Polar and PTSD, as well as Agoraphobia. There are times where I cannot leave the house, even the thought of going and sitting outside, stresses me out. It is horrible that I cannot function on days like this. I miss being able to go to the library and to the store and shopping.  I do all my shopping online and then my husband does the grocery shopping and sometimes the laundry.   

People tell me I need to overcome it, to not let it win, to get over it, yes get over it.  I wish people would understand that it isn't as easy as they think it is, everyone, at some point does have bouts of depression theirs tend to go away, for people that have Major Depressive Disorder, it doesn't go away, it can be helped with medications but it never goes away, neither does PTSD, OCD and Panic and Anxiety attacks, we may be fine for a year or more and then BAM!!! It hits out of the blue.  For people like me, we do struggle every day to function, we do try to keep in check and we do try to have a normal life, we also tend to hide it and hide how we are feeling until it gets build up- so much that we "explode".   I get tired of taking meds and tired of worrying that I am going to have a melt down, as I call my panic attacks, in public, it is embarrassing, and can be scary.  For those of you that have a loved one or friend dealing with this, all I can say is, please stop telling them to get over it, please stop telling them don't let it control you, but instead tell them I am here for you, how can I help?  We would love to be able to get over it and overcome it, but it is a long hard process. Trust me none of us wants to be this way.

It Is Okay To Say No!

Merry Meet All, 
Is it or is it not okay to say no?  When I was living in Missouri, I did have a few friends and I was the yes girl, every time a friend or a coworker at work needed or wanted help I was there, I was the first one to volunteer I was the last one to leave any place or gathering as I helped clean up or helped with what ever, I was always the first to arrive to help get things ready. I was constantly doing this, even though I had things of my own to do and needed to take care of my own stuff, I was afraid to look selfish or to let anyone down or have people be mad at me. It got to the point that I was neglecting myself, neglecting my emotional and mental well being. If I started to say no I would feel guilty, or if I did say no, I would regret it and tell that person okay I'll be there I'll help you. I never asked for anything in return. I never asked for help from anyone. In February of  2011 my fiancee, now husband, asked me to move to San Diego to be with him, of course I said yes, I knew I had only a few months to get things done as he wanted me there the first of April. So I would go to work come home pack a few boxes and relax, on my days off I ran errands and came home and packed and starting cleaning, I was on a time crunch as well.  I didn't ask anyone for help. I didn't want to bother anyone. I was also still that yes girl, I came to San Diego, I started to go to therapy, it took awhile, but we hit on the Yes Girl or Guy mentality, I was shocked what my therapist told me, It's okay to say no, it's okay to live for yourself, it's okay to give when you want to, but just remember to take care of you and live for you.  It's okay if people get mad at you , stick to what you feel. There are emotional vampires out there and people that will make you feel guilty or feel at fault, and that is okay as well, but you have to learn to stand your ground and say no. So if you are like how I was, take a deep breath and just say no, it may be hard to do at first, but trust me, it will get better, and if that person you are saying no to makes you feel guilty and feel bad then that person isn't being a good friend. 

Another question I have or something I want to touch on. 

I always thought a friend was someone that you did things with, such as shopping, going out to lunch, meeting for drinks, chatting on the phone, building each other up, supporting each other, going to the movies together,  gladly introducing you to their best friends, and that special someone in their lives, perhaps double dating  with special someone and your special someone, am I right? 
What if that person never invites you out to lunch or to dinner, never invites you to the movies, never says hey let's get together for a drink, never wants you to have a girls night with their bestie or even meet that special someone in their life, even though you have extended the invitation yourself and they decline, but yet they themselves have done those same things with other friends. Is that a friend also? 

A Rant and DDPYoga

Merry Meet and Blessed Be Everyone, 
I am in my fifth week of doing DDP Yoga, Five weeks Already?! doesn't seem like it.  I am slowly making smarter food choices, we don't go out to eat as often as we used to and I am doing more cooking at home, I am currently up to almost drinking three liters of water a day, I am slowly getting myself away from coke zero and eating sugary snacks, I still do have the occasional ice cream sandwich,  I am able to stand up now for most of work out, I have also had three days of being pain free in my back and my knees, I know that getting rid of the weight isn't going to happen over night, You have to take it one pound one day at a time, if I loose three pounds a month I'll be happy, so far that is what I have done, my goal right now is to also try to get in a work out every day, I am up to four days a week now, I am going to try to do them longer each time, I went from five mins to 15-25 mins. That is a big goal for me as I hadn't been doing anything at all. I hate working out and always tried to put it off, or would never do it, but you know what if Arthur Boorman can do it so can I, I will link his youtube video here  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448 this man has inspired me to keep going, to keep trying to not give up, I am not even going to a gym, I turn on my laptop, go to my dashboard and click on my program, I love how it lets you determine what level you are, right now I am in the limited mobility and doing some of the beginner beginner program.  I'll even give you the link to how to sign up for the online access, it's 30.00 bucks a month, some of you are saying oh it's too much, well I bet you spend that much on your starbucks coffee. Am I right? Or that much in a week going out to eat.  https://www.ddpyoganow.com/
I am going to weigh in tomorrow and see where I am at
 Also another thing I want to touch on, I am friends with someone that never invites me out to go shopping, never invites me out to go to lunch, we never go out to the movies together, I have asked a few times and she says yeah that sounds like a good idea I'll have to check my schedule and get back with you, I remind her again after a few days, oh I haven't checked yet I'll get back to you, then I never hear anything, we go for weeks without texting, I don't like to text her while she is at work as she has a job working in a courthouse, but we do exchange texts sometimes, and she never comes to my house, even though I have invited her several times. The only time I feel, that she wants me around is when she wants me to do something, what I mean by this is that she will say Hey we need girl time, come over I'll buy Chinese and I need to clean how about you sit while I clean or hey maybe you can help me go through things, I am really stressed I have to move soon, my cousin backed out of coming to help me, I am used to it, I said oh I am sorry to hear that, I hear you on that regard I am used to doing things on my own, when I moved from Missouri to San Diego, I had to pack, clean, and such while also holding down a job, I did my packing and cleaning on my days off and a little at night when I got home from work and on the weekends. She goes well I don't ask for anyone to help me as I was hoping that someone, or you would volunteer, normally I would jump and say yes I'll come help you, but it's getting to the point that I feel like I am sitting on the back burner and waiting for her to spend time with me. She goes out with other friends and such, but yet won't invite me, She doesn't want me to meet her friend that she has had for 20 some years, even when I suggested that we all get together and have a movie, pizza night, I have asked her to come to my house several times, and I have asked her to go to the movies, but yet she has some reason why she can't go, but yet she finds time to do things with other people, I haven't even met her boyfriend yet, I have even hinted at she, her boyfriend, my husband and I get together and go out to eat or have a bbq, she doesn't reply or makes up an excuse. I also feel like I have to walk on egg shells around her with what I say and do, then she questioned my past and asked if I was really Native American, yes I am Native American, even though I have brown hair and blue eyes, my birth mother was Native American and European bloodline, her father was full blooded, and her mother was a mix of Native and Irish and Italian,  and my father was white, being German, Italian, and Irish. I would never question someone about their past and or where they came from and I would never make them feel like they have to walk on egg shells around me and I would never just put someone on the back burner and use them when It was convenient for me. Is this a Friend or am I wrong. 

Two Weeks In And Feeling Great!

Merry Meet, 
I hope you are all doing well. So I didn't get my refund from Paypal they denied it saying it was too long past their file date. So Andria Pettell is getting away with scamming many many people out of hundreds of dollars, but I believe that Karma will come back around to her threefold. 

I just finished two weeks of DDP Yoga and I still feel great and motivated.  I lost I think about four inches off my waist, I can see my cheekbones now. I can feel the difference of when I work out and don't work out, when I don't work out my joints get stiff and I am in pain, when I do work out I am able to get around better and stand for longer periods of time. I am going to weigh myself next week to see if I have dropped anymore pounds, I lost two my first week. My goal is to average 10 pounds a month.  I am hoping that when I get to my goal weight I won't have all that excess skin. If I do I do I'll deal with it, I will not get surgery. If I have to wear layers and spandex I will. :) I didn't think I would be able to do these work outs but I am, I just finished 25 mins.  I look forward to working out every day now, I went from sitting in a chair in front of my laptop day after day hardly moving, only getting up to go to the bathroom and to get something to eat. Now I am doing between 17-25 mins of yoga each day, I am doing the limited mobility to start it goes for 13 weeks and then you move up to the next level for 13 weeks and then the next level and so on, my goal this year is to also loose fifty pounds, I am not going to go any higher than that as I don't want to get discouraged. Soon I will take before shots, as I do still look the same, and post them. I'll try to keep a picture progress each month or every three months. I love this work out, I am Two weeks in and feeling great!

 

DDP AND BOS

Merry Meet All, 
Just checking in with you. I am very sore today been doing DDP Yoga for four days now and I am sore. I also made a new Book of Shadows. 

Took eight hours to make  and it's 1000 pages or almost a 1000 pages. This is my second book, I am happy with this one, now the challenge is putting in information.  Total cost for supplies. 185.00. 

I signed up and ordered the DDP Yoga dvds, For the last four days I have been able to do 20 min sessions and I feel great. I haven't had a soda since Tuesday and I am feeling it, I am sleepy and have a headache. My goal is to not drink any kind of soda when I can do that then I'll slowly cut out sugar and processed foods. I am tired of not being in shape, tired of doing harm to my body and to myself. 
If you are struggling and don't know how to get started or not sure what program to use, I recommend DDP, it was started by Diamond Dallas Page, yes the wrestler and watching some of the stories by the people that took this journey has motivated me. I hope you all are doing well, Just wanted to talk about DDP and my BOS.   
 

Just A Little Update

Merry Meet Everyone, 
I haven't blogged in a bit. I have been feeling not so motivated lately to do much, however I have been trying to work on my book that I have been writing. I am also going to redo my book of shadows see if I can make improvements on it.  Speaking of book of shadows, I don't know if you remember when I had ordered one from magickallymade?  The one I paid hundreds of dollars for and never got, I thought for sure that I heard the last, well I contacted paypal and the woman I spoke with is going to submit a one time courtesy refund form for paypal's approval so I may be getting the money back.  *keeps fingers and toes crossed* I'll know more in 48-72 hours from last night.  

I have also been dealing with my mental health issues, today I have been irritable and I snapped at my hubby. So we are like two cats circling eachother, I don't mean to get upset and snap at him, It wasn't even him I was upset at, it was myself, we just got back from grocery shopping and I managed to go in, which as it's been hard for me to do the last few years with my anxiety and panic attacks and the pain in my knees and back, but I did it, and when we got home, I was in pain and letting the anxiety out that I have been holding back while in the store and I put the new carton of eggs in the fridge on the top shelf and was pulling something out to throw away, the eggs slid out and fell onto the floor breaking all of them...so I left fly the eff bomb and he asked what did I say I said yes I said the fuck word and he tells me to calm down, and I said well I am trying to put this shit away and I dropped the eggs, and he goes oh it's shit now, I just said you know what you deal with it then.

I get tired of having to deal day to day with these issues, I get tired of taking the pills and I just get tired.  I feel like I should be doing more with my life.  But it is hard to function day after day with this, there have been times where I was like eff it I am just going to take all my pills and not deal with this shit, but I cannot do that, I have been given a second chance and I plan to stay strong. I hope you all are doing well, Sorry for the long post but I just wanted to give you A Little Update
Blessed Be   

Thanks, But No Thanks.

I want to get something off my chest a bit of a rant I guess, the other day I was visiting with one of my friends, who is Christian, we are talking and she says to me I am getting baptized, I would like you to be there, I said sure I'll try to make it. It's quiet for a moment and she says but don't wear anything wiccan, and I blink and in my head I am saying what do you think I am going to wear a black robe and black dress with a witches hat and boots? The only thing I wear is my pentacle with my jeans and a t-shirt, my pentacle is a butterfly with a small pentacle in the center. I started to tell her well that would be like me asking you not to wear your cross if I were to invite you to anything. Which as I would never tell someone of a different religion they cannot wear their cross, star of David, pentacle, baphomet, whatever. I felt hurt.  I am also tired of walking on egg shells, she even questioned something about my past and I am like, really?!, just because I don't come out and say everything, I have told her a little bit about what I went through and such, I would never question her, I felt like it was pick on me day.  I have decided to just keep my distance, I am trying to find my own way and grow in my path and my beliefs. So in answer to her asking me to her baptism, thanks but no thanks. 

Relaxed and a Zen State of Mind

Right now, I am sitting here with candles lit upon my altar, and Egyptian musk incense from the dipper.com burning and some soft flute music with a water trickling sound in it. It is quiet in here, as in soothing, and quiet outside, it has just finished raining and is still gloomy. I have just finished meditating and am trying to decide if I want to write for awhile or work on my book of shadows. I am going to be making another one and seeing if I can improve on what I made the first time.  I have also been thinking about adopting another kitten, She won't replace Mali but I feel like it's time to give a little one a home. I'll see if my husband won't mind taking me to the shelter at some point.  I am slowly trying to make the space I have in the living room my space full of calming and soothing things.  Must remember not to use this glue ever again https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00X4IOFOC/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

It is very tacky once you put it on and when it dries the pages of my book of shadows tends to stick together, I will use good old Elmer's glue for now on   

I worked out today and have so far eaten two small meals today, and am about to grab lunch which will consist of some cheese, yogurt and an apple or a Salad, not sure which yet. I have made up my mind that I am going to start living for me and working out and eating to benefit me.  I know it will be slow going and that there is no weight loss miracle, that it has to be done with mindful eating and moving more, I am slowly trying to go back to my routine that I was doing in Springfield, where I was working out for an hour a day and eating to benefit my body, I was shedding pounds and was feeling great, So Goddess keep me motivated please and keep me on track.  Right now I am relaxed and in a Zen State of Mind.  

Blessed Be