As I sit here looking out my window, it's sunny but yet raining. The weather is getting a bit cooler and the nights seem longer. I am amazed at how beautiful this world can be, I am hearing birds singing and I hear the rain falling, I smell the wet earth and hear the cars passing making the splash noise as they hit a puddle, I hear my neighbor laughing and talking with her friend. I hear the clock ticking as it keeps time minute by minute.
I am a bit sleepy and want to climb under a warm blanket with a good book and a warm drink or even a glass of iced tea or maybe a cup of soup sipping it slowly as I read. Right now I am calm, but that could change any moment, I can either start to be very depressed or feeling like I can conquer the world and go nonstop like the energizer bunny or even angry and irritated, or wanting to spend and shop buying things I don't really need, or crying for no reason, or feeling like I am ugly and worthless wanting to end it all, my mind is like a car with the accelerator stuck at 120 miles per hour, on some days, other days I feel like I can't climb a hill and going at 2 miles per hour. I could never figure out why I was this way...until my last psych appointment.
I have been diagnosed as being bipolar, not something I wanted to hear, but a relief that I finally know. So I am going to start reading up on it and start tracking my cycles and doing what I can to help myself. Will be taking it one day at a time.
I have also decided to start eating small meals every two hours and track my food on fitness pal start sort of doing what I was doing in springfield, eating every two hours, and working out every day, going to start using hand weights like I did, starting out doing five of each of the sets, do DDP bedflex again.
Try to start doing more self care. I forgot to weigh this morning so I'll do that tomorrow as well as weights. I will also try to be more consistent with my blogging and vlogging and self care.
I can't make any promises as I am on a roller coaster that is hard to get off of, but I'll do my best.
