WARNING I TALK ABOUT SEX,
I know it's been forever and a day. I have been working on myself, getting out more trying to live more. I have also lost two pant sizes and seven inches off my waist. I am also discovering myself sexually, learning what I like and exploring different things, Such as being a submissive. As I learn more I'll talk about it here. My husband is starting a new job, a job that he always wanted, so such good news there. He and I have bonded more and have become closer, yes if you are wondering he is also willing to explore the Dom/sub aspect of our intimacy, he has been wanting to try that for so long but wasn't sure how to approach me with it and I in turn was wanting to explore that side but wasn't sure how to tell him, LOL, finally one day we just sat and talked about it. So ladies don't be nervous to tell your husband you want that 50 Shades of Grey aspect in the bedroom or anytime.
I am learning that in this new relationship we are having and about to have that He doesn't have all the control, it is me, as a sub that has the power, as in giving myself to Him, totally, I allow whatever to happen, happen. I say no when I don't feel comfortable with something and have to power to say stop when whatever gets to intense. For so long I have struggled with my sexual nature, feeling ashamed of certain thoughts. I was raised in a house hold that didn't discuss sex, sex was kept in the bedroom and that was it, you didn't talk about it really at all. I am also a rape survivor and that impacted a lot of how I viewed sex. Since our little experiment I am feeling more sure about myself, more confident and more empowered. Learning who I am inside as a person and the power that I have. No this isn't going to be a 24/7 thing but there are some aspects of it that will be 24/7.
I am still going to therapy and still working on my mental health, I have also cut back my time and relationship with a certain friend that I have, she chose her boyfriend over friendship and said some things to me that made me step back and realize that what she and I had wasn't really friendship.
I am growing as a person and changing and I like the changes so far. I am glad that I chose to surrender.
