Merry meet all. How are you today? Today I am wanting to talk about Dr. Google, oh yes I am sure you are all familiar with him/her, you find something odd with your body, a strange lump or rash or you have a certain symptom, and you rush to the computer and you type in lump, or rash, or diarrhea, or coughing but no cold, and you suddenly see, symptom of this and this and this, and you google more and suddenly, you are like that's it I am dying, I have cancer, or it's a heart attack or any number of deadly illnesses, then you start to stress and you keep checking and you keep poking and you keep prodding, and your panic gets so sky high that you actually make yourself sick from worrying. I do this a lot and I found out it's called Health Anxiety, I have been pretty healthy my whole life, other than being over weight, I haven't had any major sickness since I have been here in San Diego, I used to get sick a lot where I used to live, sinus infections, flu (the kind where you are going out both ends), sore throat, bronchitis. I used to not worry and google my symptoms at all, I was like okay if this doesn't get better in a week or two weeks I'll go get it checked, by the way, I hate going to the doctor, I avoid it. Oh I have a lump somewhere on my body, could be a fat pocket or a bump or a inflamed muscle or a knot, if it gets bigger or I start having other symptoms I'll get it checked, that was the old me. Ever since I had my first panic attack, it seems now every little sharp pain under my left breast or down my left side, I run and make an appointment with Dr. Google and look up what it could be, then I get freaked out thinking it's a heart attack or cancer, I have a lump small about 1/8 inch on my back near a fat roll, I can't remember if I had it for years, but I feel like I have,and just discovered it again, I freaked myself out thinking it's cancer thanks to Dr. Google, but I have gone through the check list in my head, I don't have any symptoms at all, and you would think with a lump that can be felt like that I would have some form of symptoms, such as night sweats, fatigue, fever, pain, rapid weight loss, etc, I know you are saying but some people don't even know until they go and the doctor is like oh well you have six months to live, but I bet there was some clue there, you can't have cancer and not have symptoms. Anyway what I am saying is, health anxiety is real and it's a mental illness, and it is exhausting, my goal is to try not to make an appointment with Dr. Google and do the wait and see. Take it one day at a time, get back to how I used to be. Take it one day at a time, oh and Dr. Google Can't see you now. On a more positive note, I have lost two pounds since last month, I am now down 42 pounds in a year.
Merry Meet All, I don't know how much longer I can deal with these panic attacks and anxiety. I swear I always feel like I am having a heart attack and that makes me panic more. The chest pains, the not being able to breathe, feeling like the walls are closing in , shaking, feeling like I am going to die,and I keep thinking OMG is this it? Am I really having a heart attack this time? I get so fucking tired of these, I am thinking I should be done with this shit now, I have been going to therapy since 2012, it's been six years almost. I am worried about every little thing now about my health, I know I am overweight and I am working on that, I am at 346, I may have gained a couple of pounds due to aunt flo coming on , I normally do, so today the scale said 345 then when I moved it jumped to 348, I will weigh tomorrow and see. I really want to get to my goal weight of at least 140 pounds. I was wearing a size 32, I almost got into a 26, I couldn't get them past my butt and over my tummy bulge, but I got them on, I am guessing another ten or twenty pounds. I am sitting here listening to In The Air Tonight, by Phil Collins, that song for some reason is so haunting. I also noticed that when I start bleeding from either a cut or a scratch or something, I panic more thinking I am not going to stop bleeding or that I am going to bleed to death, I am not sure why I started doing this, I never have before, nor did I ever worry this much about my health. So I am getting there with the weight loss but still dealing with the panic attacks. I also need to work on my
PTSD, OCD, Anxiety, Social Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, Bi Polar 1 disorder, and Major Depressive Disorder,and my Panic Attacks.
Do any of you have these, if so how do you get through them on a daily basis? Please leave me a comment below.
