So the other day I got into a fight with my "friend", the one that chose her boyfriend over our friendship. She got upset with me when I couldn't help her with a certain thing, I have almost always helped her and as soon as I said no she suddenly stopped talking to me and coming around, but when I needed help she would always say I can't. She even told me that she couldn't ever rely on me. That hurt me so much as I have almost always helped her with things. Then she proceeds to tell me that I always act the victim when it comes to my depression and anxiety, that I always say I wish people could walk a couple of days in my shoes so they would know what I am going through. I said that once to her as she kept telling me I need to fight and get over it, what she doesn't understand is that I do fight everyday, I fight to keep from killing myself, I fight to keep a happy smile on my face, I fight to keep from crumpling up and falling apart and breaking down.
She doesn't know that I struggle to get things done around the house and keep myself healthy and struggle to eat. That I feel like I am carrying a 160 pound monkey on my back. On some days I am so mentally exhausted and emotionally drained that I keep telling myself to keep going don't give up, yet while another part of me is yelling I can't do it anymore it hurts I am so tired I can't and then I am standing there screaming at myself you can do it you have to do it. Then I look up and it's the end of the day and I made it.
Friendship for me is giving without asking for anything in return, not getting upset when a friend tells you no they can't do something and friendship is not about doing things for your friends because it benefits you or you get something out of it, friendship isn't about putting your friend to the side when you find a new boyfriend or a new friend. Friendship is about compromise, trust, bonding, not questioning and letting things go, friendship is sitting there with someone not having to talk and laughter, not bringing up negative things constantly, and tearing your friends down when they are trying to better themselves but lift them up and help fix their crown.
Friendships are Idgy and Ruth (Fried Green Tomatoes), Cee Cee Bloom and Hillary (Beaches), Rose, Dorothy, Blanche (Golden Girls), Gillan and Sally, Aunt Frances and Aunt Jett (Practical Magic),Duckie Dale and Andie (Pretty in Pink).
So if my "Friend's" Definition is all the prior about taking and not giving, only wanting your friend when you have nothing else going on and only when it gets you something then thanks but no thanks, I don't want a friendship like that. I'll wait for my Ruth, my Hillary, My Dorothy and Blanche, My Gillan, and My Aunt Jett and my Duckie Dale.
