Need To Rant

So remember how I have been going on and on about my book of shadows that I ordered back in December of 2015? I still haven't gotten it. Now the deal is she was in the hospital for a week or so, and now home but may have to have brain surgery. She did tell me when she got home, she would work on books and that mine was one of eight about to be ready to go to its home. She told me the end of this month (looks at calendar) which is today, would be her goal for getting it done, now mind you it's been two weeks since she came home from the hospital, she was very responsive on the facebook page about her issue, since then have heard nothing, I have sent messages asking how much longer, how is she doing? How much is done.  I know things happen and that it is beyond our control but when you go from "Oh April 5th is the 12 week finish time so you're book should be done by then, to well the item that was sent for it was the wrong one, so had to send back, got another one, wrong one again, sent back, finally in mid May got the correct item, now you're book's goal to be completed is now Mid July, okay, well sorry our book creator is out for surgery will be back on her feet in two week, okay, well now I am in hospital with possible brain surgery, oh but when I get home from the Hospital I'll work on books and the goal is end of August" Yeah it gets frustrating. 
So here it is the end of August, no word, no hint, no answer to my inquiries as to when it will be done.  People are telling me to open a case and try to get my money back, I don't want to do that as the book is special to me and I haven't found one that calls to me like this one, I know her shop isn't a scam as I have seen youtube videos that people posted when they got their books, and I did order a small item from them that I did get. I don't want to do it but I am to the point of where I am going to tell her just mail me what she has done with items that need to be to complete it and I'll finish my book and expect a partial refund. I am beyond frustrated and I don't think I will get my money back as it will be almost a year. If I was in anyway shape or form crafty I would make my own book of shadows. Sorry for this post but I needed to Rant. 

A MishMash Of Things

Good Morning everyone, I hope you are doing well. As for me I am getting there been dealing with my depression and anxiety which has been high the past few weeks. Can't believe another year is almost gone. This post is just going to be about whatever thoughts are running through my head and some things I found on the internet that I like.  

Update about my book of shadows that I have been waiting on for almost a year, the maker of the book just got out of the hospital, she had gone in due to have strep which in turn went up into her brain causing an abscess, she may have to have surgery.  She is at home now and said that my book was one of eight about ready to go to its home. Hopefully the end of this month.  *Keeps Fingers Crossed*  I have also been looking at how to make a second book for myself, been watching youtube videos and looking at the items I need.  Amazon has the items and at great prices as well, so I think when I get a bit of extra money I'll buy the stuff and see if I can't make one. 

Just some things I found on the net that I liked, and will be printing off to put into my book of shadows once it arrives. Today is a busy day taking the dog to the groomers, running some errands with my husband, perhaps grabbing some lunch, I am just praying to the Goddess that my anxiety stays down so that I can go. Blessed Be Everyone hope you enjoyed this mishmash of things.

A Little Bit Each Day

Today I have decided to start my work out.  I was only able to do seven minutes of the workout but you know what I am proud of what I could do.  I didn't get upset about what I didn't do, I was happy with what I did do, as I have stated in my earlier posts I haven't exercised much if any. My goal for this week is to do three days. I am tired of my back hurting and my knees hurting and not being able to clean the house like I want due to the pain. I am going to also try to eat every two hours. I have neglected myself for so long that I forgot how to get started. So today was my do over and getting started, it doesn't matter what you start with, it doesn't matter how long you can do exercises, it doesn't matter, what matters is you took that step that small step to get started, it may be walking from the living to the kitchen five to six times a day, not to get food but to walk it might be sitting in your chair with five pound weights in each hand and doing some form of movement, it might be going outside and walking from one end of the driveway to the other, it might be not drinking but one soda a day instead of three or four and drinking more water, it might be eating the hamburger without the fries, or eating an apple instead of chips, as long as you make some change. Don't get upset if you can't complete the full workout, instead pat yourself on the back that you were able to do five, seven, ten, fifteen, minutes. A little bit each day is what counts. 






 

Feeling Lost

Good morning or afternoon, 
I haven't posted in awhile, due to my depression running amuck. I have also been having panic attacks and lately just been wanting to stay home in my own little space.  It sucks a lot especially when I want to get out and go places and do things.  I still haven't gotten my book of shadows, she told me her goal was to get it done and get it sent this month, it's actually two months overdue now.  I keep telling myself that if it doesn't happen this month then I'll put in a case to my payment provider and with etsy to see about getting my book, I don't want a refund just my book, she told me it was halfway done, but she has had the butterfly since May and had all of June and July to work on it, not only that but their shop is down has been for a month now and they are telling people that etsy is having an  issue with their shop and they are working to get it back up, it has never taken etsy that long to get a shop up.  
I also have slacked off on eating correctly and working out, I really am trying hard to get motivated to get into the mind frame of shedding this weight, I may start another blog about my journey of weight loss, keeping track of the foods I consume and what and when I workout. I am feeling lost and don't know where to start, I had it going in Springfield, working out, eating correctly I was loosing weight, I get here and that all stops, I gained 70 pounds in the three years that I have been here, from 289 to 360.  I keep trying to plan out what to do, to get started, I think I'll set a goal to work out ten mins a day to start then build up to longer, after having not worked out for years, I think that will be a good start. I keep putting things off and I really need to get out of this slump. So yep I think I'll start a food blog and weight loss blog, I am tired of feeling lost. 

Enough Is Enough

Lately In the news I have been seeing many reports of police officers getting shot and killed, police officer involved shootings and such going on.  What are we doing people? Why are we doing this to each other.?  We should be standing by each other, not hating each other, people ask when will it stop, it won't stop until the racism and hate is gone, until we start caring for our fellowman, regardless if they are White, Black, Asian, Native American, Hispanic, whatever race.  A lot of people are saying we need to turn back to God, well..my thoughts on this are, those that are doing the most killing are those that follow the Christian God, a lot of killings are done in his name, those that are doing the killings were most likely raised in a home with parents that took their children to church, I am not saying all Christians are like this, but if we need to get back to God to make the Country right again, then shouldn't those that are saying this try harder to care for their fellow man?  I follow the wiccan creed, Ever mind the rule of three, good or bad what you put out there comes back to you threefold, an ye harm none do what thou will, So yeah I don't want bad things to happen in my life, so I try not to put out bad things in the universe, I try to help and to do good, I do not hate anyone.  I also feel it's time we stop handing out aid to the refugees that are coming over here and taking care of our homeless veterans and men and women and children and poor and elderly, at one time this, from what I understand, was the greatest nation in the world. What happened?  We are so caught up in ourselves, i.e. faces to the cell phone all the time, computer time, families sitting at the table eating out all of them with some electronic device in their hands not interacting.  Parents being their childrens' friends and not parents, no discipline at all.  I grew up in the era, if I acted up, talked back, got in trouble at school, was disrespectful, I got my butt whipped and was made to mind, and I guess by getting my butt whipped, I learned respect, I learned to be kind, I learned to be strong, I learned to respect authority and not act up.  I don't do drugs, I haven't committed murder, never been to jail, never stole. I know you are probably reading this saying yeah but spanking causes a child not to trust you, to have mental problems, etc, sorry no it doesn't ask any child of the 20s-80s and they will tell you a lot differently, it's when you abuse a child, I am talking about horrible abuse that will cause these issues., parents it's time to stop being your child's friend and start being a parent, adults it's time to start caring for our fellowman, start making this nation great again, not by hating, or killing...Enough is Enough. 
   

Update.

Hello, 
It has been two months now since I last spoke to my dad.  I keep wanting to confront him about what he did, but I made a promise to my aunt that I wouldn't as he may not let her see mom again.  I have started working out as of today, Did a 20 min with Daily Burn, and I know I am going to be sore tomorrow.  My hubby and I went to Viejas Casino and Hotel, over the weekend, due to the fact it was our anniversary and he surprised me with a romantic couples package.  

I got word about my book of shadows, the butterfly arrived and it's the brightly colored one.  So she is working on my book and I will be getting it sometime next month.  I have mostly been keeping to myself, working on making an afghan, do not buy the Loops & Thread yarn from Michael's, it snags horribly and it tangles up very easily.  Also if you are wanting Lion's Brand Wool Ease yarn, order it off of Amazon, I am going to next month, Michael's has it for 8.29 each and Amazon has some of the colors for 4 and some change. 
I know I am just rambling on, my mind is going faster than what my fingers can type.  I just ordered a bunch more incense from thedipper.com really love the sea breeze, Egyptian musk, Rain and Black Ice. 
As for me I have had panic attacks anxiety and such, but I am dealing with it. 

My thoughts and prayers also go out to those killed at Pulse, during the shooting in Orlando Florida, where some man went in and shot and killed 50 people because they were gay.  I do not know what is going on in this world but it really needs to stop. 

Letting Go/Saying Goodbye.

I haven't blogged in about a month.  I have been having a hard time.  I haven't spoken with my parents in about a month.  As some of you know or may not know, my mom has alzhimers and my dad and I don't get along. I have issues of my own that I am working through. April the 18th of this year I got into a horrible fight with my father, and since then we have not spoken, I know some of you are saying you should make up and make amends, Well I would have but I found out he has been lying to me about something and it's hurt me deeply that he would do this to me and my husband. As far as my mom goes,I said my goodbye to her before I left Missouri for good and she knew, before her memories left her, that I would not be coming back there.  So after all has been said and done, I do not feel guilty anymore about not going home and I am not worried anymore about them, nor will I ever. So I finally learned how to let it go and say goodbye. 

On another note, I am still waiting on my book of shadows, There was yet another delay with the butterfly, I sent a message three weeks ago to the creator and haven't heard back, A) The butterfly has arrived and she is working like mad on my book and won't reply until it's done or B) The butterfly hasn't arrived and she has nothing to report, but normally she is good about giving me a heads up, so am not sure what is going on. I may be ordering another one from them as I was watching a youtube video about someone who has more than one and says it's worth it as there is so much information to put into a book with all the herbs, potions, oils, spells, plants, flowers, etc. you run out of room. So yeah I am going to save up and get another one from them as well. 

I can attest to that as my pseudo book of shadows already has so much information in it and I am finding more and more new stuff everyday. 
So I hope you are all doing well . Blessed Be.