Hello everyone,
WARNING I TALK ABOUT SEX,
I know it's been forever and a day. I have been working on myself, getting out more trying to live more. I have also lost two pant sizes and seven inches off my waist. I am also discovering myself sexually, learning what I like and exploring different things, Such as being a submissive. As I learn more I'll talk about it here. My husband is starting a new job, a job that he always wanted, so such good news there. He and I have bonded more and have become closer, yes if you are wondering he is also willing to explore the Dom/sub aspect of our intimacy, he has been wanting to try that for so long but wasn't sure how to approach me with it and I in turn was wanting to explore that side but wasn't sure how to tell him, LOL, finally one day we just sat and talked about it. So ladies don't be nervous to tell your husband you want that 50 Shades of Grey aspect in the bedroom or anytime.
I am learning that in this new relationship we are having and about to have that He doesn't have all the control, it is me, as a sub that has the power, as in giving myself to Him, totally, I allow whatever to happen, happen. I say no when I don't feel comfortable with something and have to power to say stop when whatever gets to intense. For so long I have struggled with my sexual nature, feeling ashamed of certain thoughts. I was raised in a house hold that didn't discuss sex, sex was kept in the bedroom and that was it, you didn't talk about it really at all. I am also a rape survivor and that impacted a lot of how I viewed sex. Since our little experiment I am feeling more sure about myself, more confident and more empowered. Learning who I am inside as a person and the power that I have. No this isn't going to be a 24/7 thing but there are some aspects of it that will be 24/7.
I am still going to therapy and still working on my mental health, I have also cut back my time and relationship with a certain friend that I have, she chose her boyfriend over friendship and said some things to me that made me step back and realize that what she and I had wasn't really friendship.
I am growing as a person and changing and I like the changes so far. I am glad that I chose to surrender.
Hey Ya'll,
I know it's been awhile since I posted. So much has been going on. I am still doing my weight loss, I have gained and lost and gained again, I am trying to figure things out and do what is best for me, I am still going to therapy and I have started a youtube channel. My husband and I just celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary.
I still haven't talked to my "parents" I have cut all contact with them and I am feeling stronger everyday. I have almost finished writing one book. I am slowly trying to find the person I was once before, I know, I know, you can't be exactly who you were but I would love to find a bit of her inside of me of who I was once.
I have also decided to get a tattoo on my wrist a semicolon with butterfly wings. Even though I am terrified of needles. I am also going to get my hair colored, I love the reds and purples.
I have so much going on and so much I want to do, I just can't seem to get started or how to start. For example
1) Get rid of weight and be healthy (I know eating on a regular basis, getting in enough calories to speed my metabolism, and keep exercising and cutting down on carbs and such)
2) Find the person I want to be (still not sure who that is)
3) Get one book published (need to finish it first, then find an editor and publisher)
4) Organize the house and get it clean and keep it that way (hubby needs to also pitch in by keeping his stuff picked up and cleaning up after himself and throwing away any packages he opens and helping out a bit.
5) Having more friends, (since my one friend hardly calls me or wants to hang out with me anymore as she can't pry herself away from her boyfriend long enough to remember she has a friend, so I need to get out more and find someone who isn't going to put me on the backburner all of the time)
6) Stop being so hard on myself...(I don't know how)
7) Start loving myself (I don't know how)
Hey Everyone, It's been forever since I have blogged anything. I have been dealing with some issues, mental health-related and emotional. I about 20 years ago walked away from a toxic relationship and I never knew how to heal and I was just pushing it in the back of my mind. I was watching my girl Ember Honey Raven on youtube and she was talking about some books she got and I thought you know I am going to look into these and I showed them to my hubby, and he bought them for me, I finished Psychopath Free in two days and I must say, Bravo, Bravo. I never knew the reason why I stayed for so long, I never figured out how I got sucked into being with that person and all the little ways and things that person would do to tear away who I was and mold me into what they wanted. I have been crying the past few days, as I am ready to heal and opened up the wounds and brought the memories to the surface that I kept tucked away in my mind somewhere. I am emotionally drained right now and have been sleeping a lot and kind of hiding away.
It's also raining right now has been for the last four days, I am about to build an ark ya'll and I also noticed the roof here in my spare room/office is leaking so yay another thing to deal with on top of that the starter in the car went out as well as the radiator leaking, but that is fixed, now I need to call landlord and tell him about the leaking roof as soon as this rain lets up on Wed. Sorry got off track with my thoughts and am just typing out whatever is in my head. Also, offer up blessings, thoughts, well wishes for my hubby he has to have eye surgery end of this month for cataracts.
I am also in a magical slump and don't know how to get out of it, I may go back to the basics and just start reading the books I got when I first started walking the witchy/Wiccan path. Rededicate myself to Danu, The Morrigan, Hecate, and The Horned God.
So Just thought I would check in, give an update check to see how you all are doing and let you know I am learning to heal and be me again and figuring out a way to overcome this magickal slump.
HI All,
I haven't posted in a while as things haven't been great for me mentally, I haven't felt like getting out of bed and my sleep is way off, I don't go to bed until five or six am in the morning and then sleep until two or three pm. I am in a downward spiral right now. I haven't felt like leaving the house nor really doing anything, today was the first day in a long time I have felt like sitting up and coming out of my room. I have lost a total of 59 pounds so far, I actually gained back eight of the 60 and then lost seven of it. So one more to go and I'll be at sixty. Hubby bought me a motivator, to keep me on track with working out and eating and such.
I have always wanted one and finally got it the catch is I have to loose forty two more pounds to get it. So yeah when I don't feel like working out, I say Kate Spade bag..It hasn't arrived yet, I cannot wait until it does, I wanted it in red, which they had at one time, but hubby waited until the last moment to order it. As this one was on sale. It's nylon and not leather, which as it will be easier to clean. I'll save up later and order handbag in red. I am also loving the Jeffree Star lipsticks, they last a long time and are almost hard to wipe off, I found that coconut oil works well in getting it off, so if you want a long last lip color and vegan and cruelty free as well as good business ethics buy from Jeffree Star. I cannot believe it's almost Yule again, Time does fly. I hope you are all well, I'll try to do a post about Yule next time and oh I am loving my book of shadows still, that I got from Country Pine cones on etsy. I am thinking of ordering another one, but not in the double book style like on practical magic. I really need to start filling it again. Oh so my friend I talk about in my back burner post I haven't seen her in a long time, we sometimes chat via text, but as far as getting together yeah doesn't happen. Ah well...I am so done with all of it. 
Hey Y'all, Does anyone ever feel like what's in the picture above? If you don't know what a back burner friend is then let me tell you. A back burner friend is that friend who another friend won't contact or hang out with until they have no one else to talk to or have nothing to do, then suddenly they remember oh, I have back burner friend I can count on to answer or hang out when I am ready for them. Once non back burner friend has places to go and things to do you are put on the back burner once again.
See I have a friend like this, if she is busy with other people or has plans, I don't hear from her for days or weeks, until suddenly, you guessed it, she remembers that I exist. She'll text me and find out how I am doing. We try to make plans, I have canceled on her a few times due to my issues, and she has on me as well that is understandable, however, when I do text her about getting together, she has to check her calendar and pencil me in, and if I am lucky I get a morning spot for an hour or two because she might have plans later in the afternoon or right after my time is up, Really?! You can't make one whole day for me? See with me and her,she has to get back to me when she is free. We have never gone to the movies together, I have yet to meet her boyfriend, whom she has been dating for awhile, I have even suggested and asked that she, her boyfriend, I and my hubby get together and have dinner someplace, she tells me oh that sounds great we need to do that, I ask okay talk to boyfriend and you two come up with a date and time and let me know never hear back from her, I have asked and suggested a few times, I also have yet to really meet her friend of 20 some years, I think I got to say hello briefly to her other friend, but yet we three have never hung out together and have a movie, pizza night, and I have asked her on several occasions to come over to my house on the days that hubby is out late having dinner with his mom, which as he does every Tuesday night, or on the day once a month when he goes to his friend's house for dinner, she never comes over or tells me she can't. See I feel like I am being taken for granted, now mind you all, I can text her, but see I don't like doing that when people are working, see I feel if you're at work then you shouldn't be messing with your phone unless it's on your own time. You say well text her and let her answer you at lunch problem is she has her phone by her or near her at her desk, oh and another thing when she and I do get together she is messing with her phone, texting, or checking things or calling other people or talking to someone else, I feel that that is just plain rude. Anyway I feel that she feels or knows that oh Tracy will be around when I have nothing else to do or don't have anyone else to hang out with and Tracy will be willing to hang out. My husband has asked me why do you have her in your life if she is treating you that way and hardly has time for you? Good question, I am starting to wonder that myself, you see this girl is getting tired of being a back burner friend.
Hello and Merry Meet Everyone, Today I want to talk about something that riled me up. I won't mention names but I had someone say on facebook, oh it's that time of year again when everyone claims to be a witch. I read the comments and this person is saying she is from a long bloodline and a high priestess and that those that weren't from a bloodline wasn't really a witch. I was like hold on back up, I said I wasn't born from a long bloodline, but I consider myself a witch, because I put in hours and hours of study, and practice and I have faith in the craft and faith in myself, am I there yet that she claims she is hell no, it takes years and years and many hours of study and practice to get there, and this girl didn't look like she was out of her 20s yet and claiming to be a high priestess, anyho, I went on to say you don't have to be from a long bloodline to be a witch you just have to put in the time effort and study work and belief in yourself and it can take years, she replied back to me, any mundane (what are we Harry Potter Characters?) can read a couple of books and call themselves witches but that doesn't make them one, she is like I can work with energy and do magic. I said saying that you have to be from a long bloodline to be a witch would be like saying you can't be a college graduate unless you come from a long line of college graduates. She kept going on and on, so I had to delete her ya'll. See what she don't know, I was actually called by The Morrigan, I didn't seek her out she came to me and said I want you, you will walk this path. Also what this person didn't know or didn't even ask, is that I do work with energy, I am also an empath and a bit psychic, also my husband was sitting right here when the Morrigan came to me and he was like stunned as he felt a big energy charge in the air at the moment I started crying yeah I cried when she came to me, as I was torn about choosing to turn away from the Church I was raised in and seeking a new path at the time when Morrigan came to me I was thinking of becoming Catholic. So do you have to be born from a bloodline? No,I feel you do not..I feel as long as you put the work, time, effort, and study and have faith in yourself, and don't doubt and faith in the Craft then you are a witch. Now please don't take this as I am bashing those that have a long bloodline of witches in their family, I am not, but It just riles me up when there are those out there, that you know aren't old enough to be all powerful and a high priestess to boot, and I have seen a lot that call themselves highpriest or priestess and have only read a few books and didn't put the time and effort into the work, I don't dare call myself one even though I have been in almost four years of study, I am not even close. I may never get there. I know a high priestess an actual one, it took her 25 years of work, study and testing, by another high priestess, to become one. So no my dears you don't have to be from a long blood line to be a witch.
Merry Meet All,
I know it's been awhile. So I am now down to 326 pounds I believe, I will weigh tomorrow. If that is the case then I have lost a total of 60 pounds. My darling husband just bought me a standing desk converter, what this does it sits on your current desk and you can raise it up and down to go from sitting to standing. I have really let my body go, I used to be able to stand for hours and now I can hardly stand at all, so today when my desk got here, I started standing every thirty mins for five mins at a time. I am not going to get discouraged, I am going to take it one day at a time. Yesterday I did a 20 min ddp yoga session, I did 30 squats while holding five pound weights in each hand, and then worked out my arms with said weights. I am determined to get rid of at least forty more pounds, to hit my goal of 100 pounds, I also have a goal to start walking again like I did when we lived at the beach and walked the boardwalk three miles a night. It's so easy to put the weight on and so hard to get off, but this time, I am determined, I have cut out a lot of sodium and now working on cutting out a lot of sugar. I am also slowly cutting out red meat and am going to try to the Beyond Meat, Beyond Burger product. If you are struggling to loose weight and feel like you can't do it or don't know how to start, well start by cutting sodium down, it may seem hard, but it's not, I make my own taco seasoning, I make my own pasta sauce, not hard at all I just experiment with spices. Like 21 season salute, from Trader Joe's or an all season blend from Costco, I use whole tomatoes when I make my pasta sauce, I just put them in the blender with spices and a bit of water and then just blend it and heat it, it is very good. If you can't hardly walk or get up, I recommend DDP Yoga I'll add the link https://www.ddpyoganow.com/
I am telling you this works, about two years ago I could hardly stand due to lower back and hip pain, I was doubled over in pain in the shower, I was about to give up thinking I was going to end up in a wheel chair, I saw this video https://vimeo.com/150671078
and I was like I am going to order this dvd set, my husband got it for me, I started out with the chair warrior, doing 16 mins a day, I thought to myself, this is not going to work. Then I watched the video again and again and again, and I kept at the DDP, I started dropping weight, I started to be able to walk a bit without pain, I now no longer have the back pain or the hip pain, I do admit that I did slack off starting in April as I went through a health issue and major depression but now I am back at it, and if I can do this, you can do this, I started cutting sodium, I starting eating smaller portions, started cutting out a lot of red meat, going meatless two days a week, drinking fruit smoothies, I don't miss the salt and trust me I used to be salt freak. Salt on everything, when I went low sodium after a month, I started tasting flavors the actual food, I can now say things have way too much salt in them, like french fries, I still eat fries, a small, I still get a cheeseburger, I still eat ice cream, I still eat pizza, cauliflower crust pizza from Trader Joes, or Costco, I make homemade mac and cheese, I eat potatoes, but I go low sodium, and smaller portions. You have to figure out what works for you, there is no easy solution and no quick fix, it's all up to you, I tell myself if I don't do this I am doing to die sooner than what I should be. I got my blood pressure down at last check from 151/96 to 138/87. I also drink more water, 80-120 ounces a day, I do still drink coke zero, I have one a day, sometimes one a week, it all depends on what I want to do, you don't have to deny yourself, or starve yourself. I am also getting a fitbit charge 3 for Christmas that is what I asked hubby to get me, I am loving my instapot, made a pot roast in it that was so tender it was falling apart and only in 30 mins. Baby steps, start out small, have faith in yourself and the wanting to do it. If you need help please ask me if you need support contact me here is my facebook page https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100010708119100&ref=bookmarks
When you ask for a friend request send me a message that you found me via my blog.
So I just wanted to check in with you, and let you know I am learning to stand again. Blessed Be, Everyone.
