The Road To Recovery and I am A Goddam Unicorn.

It's another quiet overcast gloomy day today.  As I said before, I love days like this.  So another thing I wanted to mention, that I didn't get to in my last long ass post, was that, I am overweight, let's just say I am over 300 pounds.  So you're probably reading this and saying well put the fork down, my problem isn't that I overeat, my problem is that I don't eat enough, I skip breakfast, I may only eat one meal a day or I may eat just two meals, I don't get enough vegetables and fruit.  I tend to eat bread and processed foods when I eat and I use artificial sweetener, which I have come to learn is very bad for you, it's worse than sugar, as our bodies do not know how to process it, even the coke zero that I have been drinking, I mean no calories right, so how can it be bad, well it's all the chemicals and such.  So yesterday I decided to not skip breakfast, eat more fruit and vegetables, eat more chicken and fish, and substitute pasta for spaghetti squash.  I did this about five years ago and I was loosing weight, I was working out for an hour or so a day, I even lost fifty pounds.  Then I moved here to California and it was so easy to just go get fast food or go out to eat with my husband.  The weight started coming back.  I am drinking tea now instead of reaching for the coke zero, I haven't touched the ice cream in the fridge that my husband bought two weeks ago, Instead of getting the cheeseburger I got the cod sandwich combo small.  So little changes no matter how small can make a difference in the long run.  When I started on my getting rid of weight five years ago, I didn't start out exercising, I ate, I ate breakfast, I ate more veggies, I cut portions in half.  I would get a half of a subway veggie sub or chicken sub, lots of veggies, one triangle of cheese and very light lite mayo and a small tea.  I was loosing ten pounds a month.  Then about five months into it, I decided to get a wii fit and the balance board I started working, at the time I could only do a few of the workouts but I loved it, then I bought an exercise bike and started riding that during a show that I liked to watch.  Then I started walking just around the cul de sac about four times, then I started doing all that in one day.  So now my goal is to get back to doing that.  Why did I stop when I got to California, You ask ?

Well because I had a break down, I started having panic attacks and staying in bed, not wanting to go out, thoughts of suicide kept popping up in my head.  I went to a therapist and she told me I had Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, Anxiety, Panic Attacks and Agoraphobia.  I had some trauma in my childhood, I was molested for years by a next door neighbor, and then I was sexually assaulted when I was a young woman, so having to deal with this and have it all come out it set me back.  I have been going to therapy for five years now and it is helping I am also on meds, I am getting stronger each day and I am ready to get rid of the emotional, mental and physical weight. Because I am a goddamn unicorn.  Watch the video in the link and you'll know what I am talking about.   So here is the video I talked about in my last post, EFT with Molly aka herspeak on youtube, I did it today again and I feel great.