Crone/Aunt Flo/Perimenopause.

 

Warning I talk about Periods and say the Fuck word a few times, don't want to read about it then move on. 

 

"What the fuck is wrong with me, ?" I yell at my husband, as I bust into tears, I cry at the drop of a hat, my aunt flo times are wonky, I don't feel like myself, my anxiety is through the roof, it's hot in here, I am waking up with sweat between my boobs, " I look in the mirror and wail again "I have pimples, I am 45 why the hell am I getting pimples again, why is my aunt flo so heavy,and last month so light, and the three times prior to that, normal and the two times prior to that just a bit of pink tinge when I wipe, " "Ugh I need more sleep" Even though I slept eight hours, why the hell can I not get to sleep before three am when I used to fall asleep at 11 pm, Why am I suddenly snapping at the cats and the dog and feeling out of sorts, and even snapping at my hubby, one moment I am laughing and happy next moment crying, and a mess, my depression is getting worse, my anxiety and panic attacks are more frequent, I have muscle tightness and joint aches, and sex...yeah no thanks, not tonight dear, really not in the mood, why am I dry sometimes,  when I used to get wet just like that, are those strands of gray hair on my head...why am I getting sharp pains in my boobs now, at random times? why do I feel like I am invisible, and not myself? Why can't I focus, I used to read three books a week, now I can barley get through one every two weeks or even one a month, I am finding no pleasure in things right now, all I want to do is curl up in my bed and just hide from the world. I feel like something is missing, like I am missing a big part of me. "I have old people's eyes, " I wail at him "I had to get progression lenses, and then wear computer glasses and then my progression for watching t.v. and reading, " my husband just smiles and hugs me, babe...welcome to middle age he says to me... I want to smack him. 

Then it dawned on me, I think I am hitting the crone stage of my life, I think I am going through perimenopause, according to this website and the ticks I checked off, yep I think I am entering that stage..https://www.34-menopause-symptoms.com/ 
But why am I upset? I should be rejoicing, soon I won't have to deal with the damn bleeding every month and the pads, and such, but yet, I feel a bit sad, perhaps its because maybe it was just a jolt, to suddenly wake up  and realize that I am changing that I am not the younger self I once was. I am going to have to learn to embrace this and welcome it, I know I'll get to that stage to where I'll say I am growing old gracefully and will accept it and embrace it, but right now, can I please jump ahead and just magically not have to deal with the changes, and just wake up and be at the other end of menopause? 
So what is actually the Crone stage, and what are the other stages, So I did a bit of research and more in depth about the Maiden, Mother, Crone aspect, I did some research when I first started the craft and didn't think to much of it, and this is what I learned. 
The Maiden for me is the time when you are a young girl just going through puberty, learning about all the aspects of what it will be like to be a woman, getting first period, first crush, first kiss, body changes from a child to a teen and the stage before marriage and children, it's a time of innocence and being childlike. 
The Mother for me is the time of being a bit older, a bit wiser, being a homemaker, don't matter if you have children or not, you care for someone or something, seeking more knowledge, more answers, establishing yourself, finding yourself, perhaps, learning who you really are, the fertile years, or the caring stage, where you worry and care for everyone else but yourself, running yourself ragged, to make sure everyone you love or everything you care about is safe and healthy and taken care of.
The Crone aspect for me is, You're getting older, wiser, and more powerful, taking more charge of yourself and embracing life more, if you have kids they are probably out of the house and now you can totally focus on you, perhaps making more new friends women your age you can sit and gossip with, be a bit more out there, be more loud, if someone looks at you funny as you and your friends laugh and carry on, you have the privilege to say I am old dammit I can say what I want (all this is said in jest), a time to really focus on you, learn new things, to do what you want to do, go back to school, travel, hit that second sexual peak, pamper yourself, learn more, do more, be more, I hope when I am done with my crone stage, I can be like Aunt Jet and Aunt Frances from Practical Magic, or be like the Golden Girls.

  Picture Credit https://elvenstardesigns.deviantart.com/art/Triple-goddess-moonstone-circlet-563599567

Book Reviews and Getting Back The Basics Again

Hey all Merry Meet, 
Today I want to do some book reviews, I had been meaning to do this for awhile and thanks to Ember HoneyRaven, Hello doll, if you're reading this, I added some books to my collection, I just love me some Ember Honeyraven, I have been watching her for a few years, any way, first book is. 


I actually enjoyed the book, she does talk a lot about Aunt Flo, that time of the month, now a lot of people didn't like the book saying that she says if you can't have children then you aren't really a woman, I was like where did they pick that up, the writer has PCOS and can't have children or has a hard time, I can't remember, but I, in no way, saw anything where she bashes women for not having children, I agree with her, we should not be ashamed for being a woman and we should not have to apologize for being loud, outspoken or even being a female. 

Excellent book on the day to day of those during the Witch Trials, events before and during, this book was haunting for me as, this was a dark time in history and many innocents were hung for being witches, even if they did practice the craft or not.  I recommend this book. 

Not sure if you all like true crime or not, I am a true crime buff, love love love true crime,

Great book on the unsolved case of Betsy Aardsma, who was killed in the Penn State Library, if you all are familiar with Ryan Buell, and Paranormal State, he talks about her in one of his shows. 

What did you all think about the capture of the East Area Rapist?  I was happy that they finally caught the guy, I am reading this book and put it down and started a few others, I tend to do that, read one, put it down start another, I think I have about five books going 


I can't give a big review on it, as I haven't finished it so far so good, however, some of the details in there are a bit much when he talks about the rapes. 

If you are familiar with Dr. Sam Sheppard I found this online and was happy to see, it was actually signed by him and his second wife,

Another book I am in the process of reading, so far so good, will update as soon as I am done. 

I was talking to hubby today and said I really need to start doing more with the craft actually start, I have been such a slacker.  Got word my book of shadows is being delayed, was told it would be done in about ten days, I am having a sense of deja vu and hoping I am not going to get scammed again, oh I also have a new man in my life, He is such a lover, and loves to cuddle. He has become mommy's boy and my familiar he loves laying near me, and on anything I am trying to work on. We adopted him as well as every animal we have had from the animal shelter. 
everyone meet Pepe, 

Beltane

May 1st

Sunset to Sunset.

Beltane honours Life. It represents the peak of Spring and the beginning of Summer. Earth energies are at their strongest and most active. All of life is bursting with potent fertility and at this point in the Wheel of the Year, the potential becomes conception. On May Eve the sexuality of life and the earth is at its peak. Abundant fertility, on all levels, is the central theme. The Maiden goddess has reached her fullness. She is the manifestation of growth and renewal, Flora, the Goddess of Spring, the May Queen, the May Bride. The Young Oak King, as Jack-In-The-Green, as the Green Man, falls in love with her and wins her hand. The union is consummated and the May Queen becomes pregnant. Together the May Queen and the May King are symbols of the Sacred Marriage , the union of Earth and Sky, and this union has merrily been re-enacted by humans throughout the centuries. For this is the night of the Greenwood Marriage. It is about sexuality and sensuality, passion, vitality and joy. And about conception. A brilliant moment in the Wheel of the Year to bring ideas, hopes and dreams into action. 
Beltane is a Fire Festival. The word 'Beltane' originates from the Celtic God 'Bel', meaning 'the bright one' and the Gaelic word 'teine' meaning fire. Together they make 'Bright Fire', or 'Goodly Fire' and traditionally bonfires were lit to honour the Sun and encourage the support of Bel and the Sun's light to nurture the emerging future harvest and protect the community. Bel had to be won over through human effort. Traditionally all fires in the community were put out and a special fire was kindled for Beltane. "This was the Tein-eigen, the need fire. People jumped the fire to purify, cleanse and to bring fertility. Couples jumped the fire together to pledge themselves to each other. Cattle and other animals were driven through the smoke as a protection from disease and to bring fertility. At the end of the evening, the villagers would take some of the Teineigen to start their fires anew." (From Sacred Celebrations by Glennie Kindred) Green Man - Beltane  
As Beltane is the Great Wedding of the Goddess and the God, it is a popular time for pagan weddings or Handfastings, a traditional betrothal for 'a year and a day' after which the couple would either choose to stay together or part without recrimination. Today, the length of commitment is a matter of choice for the couple, and can often be for life. Handfasting ceremonies are often unique to the couple, but include common elements, most importantly the exchange of vows and rings (or a token of their choice). The act of handfasting always involves tying the hands Handfasting ('tying the knot') of the two people involved, in a figure of eight, at some point in the ceremony and later unbinding. This is done with a red cord or ribbon. Tying the hands together symbolises that the two people have come together and the untying means that they remain together of their own free will.


Another common element is 'jumping the broomstick' - this goes back to a time when two people who could not afford a church ceremony, or want one, would be accepted in the community as a married couple if they literally jumped over a broom laid on the floor. The broom marked a 'threshold', moving from an old life to a new one. 
The Maypole is a popular and familiar image of May Day and Beltane. A phallic pole, often made from birch, was inserted into the Earth representing the potency of the God. The ring of flowers at the top of the Maypole represents the fertile Goddess. Its many colored ribbons and the ensuing weaving dance symbolise the spiral of Life and the union of the Goddess and God, the union between Earth and Sky.

The colors of Beltane are green, red and white/silver. Green represents growth, abundance and fertility. Red represents strength, vitality, passion and vibrancy. White represents cleansing and clearing and the power to disperse negativity.http://www.goddessandgreenman.co.uk/beltane

Cellulitis and Breakdown

Merry Meet All,
I have been out of the loop for a month and a half due to getting cellulitis, if you don't know what that is, it's a skin infection caused by Staph, you know those little nasty bacteria creatures living on our bodies?  On April 7th my cat's claw punctured my leg and I did the usual, clean it out, put bandage on it, the next day I started running a fever of 103 felt like I had the flu, I woke up on the 9th to my leg being all red from the ankle to just below my knee, I googled, yep I know, and It came up with the symptoms of cellulitis, well off to the Dr. I went, my leg wasn't really swollen, the skin felt tight and it looked like I got a sunburn, as I did sit in the sun for maybe five mins, Dr. confirmed that it was and gave me antibiotics, for ten days, I had to keep leg elevated throughout the day, after a week I was all better, but if I had waited and didn't go, thinking it was only a sunburn, it could have been much worse, so as I was recovering, I had a break down, anxiety got the better of me and I didn't want to get out of bed for almost two weeks, during that time I couldn't really eat or sleep, I lost ten pounds in one week, I went from 338 to 328. I am now better and have to wear compression stockings, I am supposed to be resting this week as I had a break down like I said, just not to long ago, I am only on the computer long enough to update this blog.  Depression, anxiety and panic and health anxiety are no fun and I feel for those that struggle with it as well.  So if you get a flea bite, bee or wasp sting, cat bite, cat scratch, dog bite, human bite, any cut, you are at risk for cellulitis, do not scratch the area with your nails, clean out wound promptly with soap and water and use an anti bacterial cream or tea tree oil around the wound, and bandage it, to prevent getting cellulitis, if you want to know how bad it can get or more about it, look it up.