That Little Trip Called Guilt.

I spoke to my dad today and he keeps laying the guilt trip on me about when I am going to come home to see them.  For one , when I moved here to California, I had no intention of ever going home or even speaking to him again.  He and I have a very rocky relationship and did not get along at all.  It was always tense around him and I felt like I had to walk on eggshells.  So anyway today he asked me again, I said well if I could afford it I would come home the ticket is close to seven hundred dollars and up to 1000.  He says to me I guess we'll never see you again, I said I guess not.  He gets huffy with me and tells me he has to go.  People think I am cruel for not going home, my mom has alzhimers and I spoke to her before I moved, before she got worse and she did tell me that she wants me to be happy and not to come home no matter how bad she got, she didn't want me to see her that way. You see, I would have had the money, I got a lot on my back pay for my disability, but I spent that by paying their rent and buying food for them and paying their electric bill.  Even paying taxes on a trailer they were going to buy from someone in Indiana, who ended up taking their money. Also if I don't call for a week , he will call me and goes why can't you call, well because the phone works both ways, he only calls when he needs something or wants something, never just to ask if I am okay.    I have to deal with my own problems here.  My therapist and I are concerned I may have a set back if I go home.  I am doing so much better here.  I cannot deal with this today or any day.  I am not going to take that little trip called guilt  not today and not any day. 

 

I also got word about my Book of Shadows that I mentioned in another post, the creator of my book got sent the wrong butterfly, so now they have to wait for the right one to get sent, which could take a awhile as the seller of said butterfly has to wait until some mature, so now my book is being delayed and since they have to catch up on the books before mine, mine isn't going to get done until the end of May now, when I was told that mine would be done in 12 weeks, and all my stuff for my book was in and she was working on the binding in February.  So I am a little bummed about that, but am glad they didn't settle for the one sent to them.