Finally Had Enough

 Today I decided I finally had enough, I had enough of being the back burner friend, I had enough of cringing when I would see your name pop up on my phone, I had enough of making excuses why I couldn't answer the phone or text or why I would avoid going out with you on several occasions or why I stopped opening up to you and telling you things going on in my life good or bad, when I used to be so open and excited to talk to you to no end. The reason is I had enough of being told over and over again "You need to push through, get it out of your head, you're playing the victim", I had enough of walking on eggshells, I had enough of only hearing from you when you have nothing else to do and no one else to hang out with, I had enough of the mine is better than yours, I had enough of it always being about you, I had enough of the dismissive behavior, I had enough of not being included, I had enough of being made to feel like shit, I had enough of the negative things you said, I had enough of never meeting your other friends when I asked, I had enough of hearing "I can't" when I would reach out for support, but expecting me to give support in return, I had enough of having to say more than just I am proud of you or great job because you would get upset if I didn't rave about you for moments on end, I had enough of when I would share my accomplishments I got an oh well, or that's good then you start back to talking about yourself again. I had enough of not being able to tell you about other friends I was meeting, because you would start to get jealous.  I've come to realize this whole time I wasn't the only one who felt this way, after hearing about how many friends walked away from  you and felt the same way I did, though you made me think it was,that I wasn't being supportive enough, that I wasn't being a good friend, when I reached out to you after having my darkest day when I tried to end my life, you quickly dismissed me and said "I can't" (meaning I can't extend the support) when I would ask you to come over and visit me so we can have time together you told me "I can't", I had enough of getting only a few moments of your time here and there when it was convenient for you and even then you seemed as if you wanted to be elsewhere, when I would pour my heart out to you, you were distracted by your phone, or making plans with other people as soon as you got rid of me, I felt like I was just an obligation, someone you felt you had to spend time with to fill your friend and good deed quota, and I felt you were just going through the motions not really sincere, I had enough of standing on the outside looking in. I have had enough of trying to walk away only to be made to feel like I was the horrible friend and being made to feel guilty, I had enough of giving you several chances over and over again.  I had enough of not loving myself more and caring about myself more to realize this isn't a friendship and I've had enough. 

*The above is about a toxic friendship and when enough should be enough. If you are experiencing any of this is your relationships or friendships it's time to cut the ties and walk away.  

I had to cut ties and walk away today, by doing so I am taking back my mental health and emotional health by cutting out a toxic person in my life, I realized that you shouldn't try to avoid calls and texts or dread going out, or not want to talk about your accomplishments, or bad days if someone were truly your friend. It's going to hurt for a bit and I know the guilt will come in but stay strong and don't give in. Make new friends ones that won't tell you I can't, or make you feel worse being around them then when you aren't.