I Choose Me.

I bet you all thought I dropped off the face of the earth? Well, I kind of have, the truth is my depression got so bad that I could not function a lot of days. So many things going on as well. On August 29th our cat Sophie passed away in my arms. I got word that my mom has less than five months to live, an uncle of mine is also dying, a good friend of mine passed away, I had COVID in February, before we even knew it was here.  My husband is between jobs, has been getting interviews but no calls, things shut down, stress building anxiety building, my "friend" going back to putting me on the back burner and only wanting to talk to me when she is driving home from her boyfriend's house, she at the moment is staying with him while she recovers from surgery, and I haven't heard from her but maybe twice. I met our new neighbor, who I feel like might be a kindred spirit when I get to know her better and we can hang out once Covid is gone and things are semi back to normal. I was diagnosed with IBS and GERD and at times it's no fun at all, like right now I am having an IBS issue, I am still going therapy been getting a lot off my chest. 

Hubby and I were planning on buying our own place and were actually going to look at one and perhaps put a down payment on it, but yeah COVID happened. We were also going to buy a new(ish) car and go on a vacation, but then COVID happened. There is also a big hole in our bathroom ceiling as there is a leak that happens when our upstairs neighbors takes a shower, last week we had a plumber in and he cut a hole in the ceiling and was like nope nothing wrong with the pipes but the floor upstairs is rotting, I'll let the landlord know he tells me, and I'll be back at four pm to go upstairs and check things out, never heard from him again nor has the landlord sent someone, so yeah going to have to call and make a fuss. 

I still haven't gotten a book written, I keep going back and forth on what I want to write, I have gained weight again and have started back on my DDP and trying to eat healthy and meal prep. Though I did jump on the overnight oats bandwagon and love them, as well as making mason jar meals ahead of time, such as stirfry noodles with chicken and veggies or rice and chicken and veggies, I a going to make some homemade chicken noodle soup and put those into jars as well, and make some yogurt parfaits. I can't eat much sugar anymore, it sets off my IBS, I am limited to 15 grams a day, thank goodness Reese cups are 8grams. 

I am also slowly figuring out me, and the person I want to be, I am still a work in progress and figured out I want to chose me 

As far as my "friend" goes I am going to have to let go and stick with it this time, as I can't keep playing these passive, aggressive games and her only reaching out when no one else is around or her only doing something with me when she has nothing else to do or her asking me how I am and me telling her but her not really listening only to make it about herself, or to criticize me or my husband and tell me I deserve better or if I was to leave I couldn't make it on my own and the reason why I stay is because I am afraid to be on my own, little does she know I have been on my own for many many many years before I met and married my husband and did very well. 

So in the end I choose me.